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2016

Top 10 best moments of 2016

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top10 best moments of 2016

I hate reflecting on the past. By that, I mean that I LOVE reflecting on the past, all the things I’ve done, the people I’ve met and the wonderful experiences I’ve enjoyed. And 2016 is no exception.

I don’t try to be too narcissistic. Yes, I own a blog, I’m a comedian and I’m the type to admit that I look at myself in every reflection I walk past in. You know, just in case I have a hair loose. But I don’t TRY to be TOO narcissistic.

It’s cathartic though when I look back at the moments of 2016 and appreciate what has happened. There were some huge changes, I mean big ones. And all for the better, I hope.

I do include events that weren’t part of my everyday life, like celebrity deaths. Government referendums. Oil price changes. You think it’s silly? Never, those shape our public conciousness and all the better for it, so why disregard them in our lives?

Here’s my list, have a good read:

  1. I started my job in the advertising industry
  2. I left an abusive relationship and found the best one ever.
  3. I bought my home.
  4. Brexit and Donald Trump.
  5. Pravin Gordhan being charged by the NPA.
  6. My uncle and Gene Wilder both passed away.
  7. I rejoined Facebook.
  8. I met the Ambassador of Portugal in South Africa.
  9. Racist Facebook posts by white people
  10. Admitting that I’m not THAT much of a comedian

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Driving Test – A Comedy Shortfilm

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Check out our latest little comedy shortfilm:

TITLE: Driving Test
TAGLINE: A Driving Instructor struggles to teach a student the basics.
CAST: Joe Emilio, Nelson de Gouveia, Cara Ruthernberg

Debunking the Public Perception – Sitting by a bar with a friend

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Let’s set the scene; I pick up my friend from a section of Voortrekker Road in Bellville and head up to Durbanville to the Meraki Bar.

We both enter, greet the door lady stating we’re comedians, then we head to the bar, order a few drinks, share a box of cigarettes and look over our notes.

“You think people will show up?” I ask.

“Are you kidding? It’s Meraki.” he retorts, before taking a drag, blow smoke up in the air and looks down at his notes.

The promoter ambles by. “Hey guys, we’re ready for tonight’s show?”

We look over into the venue and see the one table occupied by some “youths” cracking jokes in Afrikaans. “Yeah, we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.”

But the point of this story is not what you think. Keep Reading

Star Wars vs Star Trek – They’re really the same thing

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I breach the subject of “have you ever seen Star Trek” with random people in my life, both close and acquaintal, and the response is usually the same:

Dude, Star Wars is so much better.

A formidable response, which I oppose but only to equalise the playing field. I myself don’t consider Star Trek better, just that it’s as good. It’s not a space opera, it’s a slow burner. It has more technical know-how but examines the human condition more careful along with actual space battles.

Destroying the Death Star? You’re missing out on the Federation taking out the Dominion in DS9, now THAT was a battle.

I have found though that I can shock people with some nerve-wracking similarities between Star Wars and Star Trek, but in true Nelson fashion I take it one step further by including everyone’s favourite topic…

RELIGION!

Let me reveal the reasons why: Keep Reading

Spaghetti bolognaise – The truth about business success with only one dish

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Once in a while to assess business success, the acumen side of my culture (Portuguese, that is) rages like a solar flare due to some discrepancy in the force, and I’m willing to bet that it harbours no one any mind, but it’s my anger and I can rage if I want to.

I arrived at work Monday and found our in-house deli came up with the following gold mine:

– Main meal: Bolognaise Sauce – R33
– Side: Spaghetti – R5

That’s right. I can order bolognaise sauce a paltry R33.

But, if I wish to make a spaghetti bolognaise meal, I would have to fork out an extra R5.

And let me tell you how I felt… Keep Reading

Cybershrink and his Awful Advice

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emperor ming the merciless and his advice
So once in a while, I delve into the haunted world of Agony Aunting, otherwise known as “advice”, and this week a guy is having trouble not being in love with a girl who is dating a guy he introduced her to, while still being in a relationship with someone else:

A friend I work with has started dating a woman I have feelings for, they are both unaware of my feelings towards her and I want to keep it that way. I am in a relationship and I love my girlfriend but it still bothers me. They wouldn’t have become acquainted if not for me so I feel doubly stupid. I can only distance myself so much because we work together. He’s a nice guy but constantly talking about it and asking for advice, it would be great if I could just get him to shut up about it.

Here is what this ‘supposed’ psychologist has as an answer:

You are in a relationship with a woman you say you love. How, then, do you feel justified in continuing this secret concern for the other woman, such that you begrudge her a friendship and maybe deeper relationship with someone you know, as a friend, to be a good guy ? Isn’t that what you should want for her ? Or is she on your reserve list, someone to switch to if something goes wrong with your current relationship ? What was “stupid” about having introduced a pair of friends who are apparently happy together ? There’s a rich irony in him asking you for advice on wooing her.  It reminds me of  the famous French story by Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac, splendidly filmed in 1990 with Gerard Depardieu and well worth watching : Cyrano, is deeply romantic but has an enormous nose, which people mock him for, so he feels inadequate and dares not approach the lovely young lady he deeply loves.  Then he is approached by a handsome but rather dim young friend, who has fallen in love with the same woman, and wants help in wooing her.  So Cyrano stands in the shadows, whispering marvelous messages of love for his friend to say loudly to the lady standing in her window above. And in agonies as his words bring her to love his friend, and not himself.   Look it up, it may be instructive

My response to this shitty CyberShrink”Agony Aunt Advice” column which I’ve sent, and waiting to see if it goes live…
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