You know you're truly alone in the universe when you begin to comprehend the vastness of outer space, the endless, unyielding vacuum that goes on and on and on for billions upon trillions of light years AND beyond, with wonders never before seen, and if you're reading this, you never will either. Because you have an addiction.
Similarly, you're truly alone when you delete your Facebook account settings off your universal chat program you've used to incorporate all your contacts together, to find only 7-8 people you used to chat to on MSN, Yahoo, Google and various others.
Yes...I've deleted my Facebook account.
I haven't deactivated it, and I could've just shut it down and never use it for AGES, and you'll come back to people having sent you messages like, "Where are you, what you been up to?" Etcetera.
No, I've DELETED my Facebook account.
Because I have an addictive personality to all things technological, always have. As a kid I took things apart and tried to put them back together. I learnt soldering techniques from my Uncle when his business was working arcade machines, and he would slave over the gameboards making sure the transistors that came loose thanks to some punk kid shaking the cabinet.
I would watch as he would melt thin, weak metal to make sure two wires would conduct, then connect it all up.
Facebook, however, is FAR from technological. Facebook is a social nightmare.
In addition to my addictive personality, I'm a little cowering worm in social circles. I compare myself daily to everyone that I pass on the street, let alone the people I judge to be my peers doing better than me, working harder than me, feeling happier, wonderful, amazing, excited, jubilant.
And I sit at home, without a job, realising that while I watched as everyone lived their lives, I wasn't.
Sure, you've seen me around hanging out, making the odd joke here and there, having a drink or two there, maybe working on a project with friends now and again. but all the time, whenever there was a moment, I would "check my Facebook" to see what the most exciting thing is today without contributing much to it myself.
I am a social pariah, yet Facebook was still my only "in".
No more. The people that matter to me have my number should they want to reach me and vice versa, my family have Skype (and heaven help me, soon I'll be with them so won't even need that), and emails galore.
I'm done with Facebook.
I don't want to virtually compare myself to other people anymore, it's just too draining. And to be honest, I ahve to admit that it cost me a career in my chosen field. People that wanted to trust me couldn't because they couldn't depend on me whether I was working for them or online seeing what "thingy-thingy is doing with their family". To all my former colleagues, I apologise.
I'd prefer to just understand that, in this life...I'm alone.
Sorry, I know this is a depressing blog post but I am really fed up, so my relationship with Facebook is over.
Cigarettes, you're next.