A personal taste of comedy

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Are your dogs barking for your attention?

in Life by
dogs barking

In my own little world this morning, I walked past someone’s house and was shocked out of my reverie by dogs barking, two little pedigree bull terriers to be exact.

And commonly humans perceive that they’re just protecting their home from intruders, but my brain went a little overboard with new possibilities.

What if they are just barking to get your attention?

Like little kids that pluck your jean flaps trying to tell you something, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” and you respond, “What?”, only for the answer to be…

…”Nothing.”

Maybe dogs are just trying to tell you something as you pass by, like “Hey! Hey! Hey! You! Hey! I’ve got something to tell you!”

If you’re inquisitive, turn around, approach said doggy and ask, “What is it, boy, little Jimmy fell down the well?”

Here are the possible answers:

  • I just saw a cat!
  • Have you seen my balls?
  • My master is really tall.
  • It’s my ball, it’s my ball, it’s my ball!
  • You smell like cherries.
  • I haven’t smelt a butt in dayyysss….

Or examples thereof.

Is there just too much internet junk out there?

in Life by
internet junk and digital pollution

I’ve been thinking about all the internet junk we leave behind and how it amounts to digital pollution.

It’s like the garbage bags that float in the ocean or the space debris that orbits our planet. We create and leave behind so many email addresses, dating profiles and competition entries.

You know that every time you create a fake Facebook account to stalk your ex, someone out there has to switch on a server? A server that requires electricity, air conditioning and extra RAM, just because you need to see how happier she is without you?

We also forget the other possibility that with all this information we keep feeding into this beast could fill it up. What if one day we’re all signing up to a new form of social media and the Internet sends us all a message that says “insufficient space.”

And in voice we’ll all yell, “Awww fuck,” in so many languages.

Tomorrow I wouldn’t mug you for your car, I’d mug you for your email address. The government will send out messages, “please delete your unwanted Twitter accounts. For only 1 Gig free, you can provide an African child with an untapped source of self-esteem issues, and the opportunity to achieve unsustainable relationships…online.”

Ok, so it’s not quite possible for the Internet to fill up. But what if the Cloud acts exactly like a Cloud? When it gets heavy with water, it begins to rain. What will The Cloud do? Will my computer burst open and out will Coe this huge avalanche of cat videos, blog posts and dick pics hitting you in the face?

My question is would you prefer a big picture of a dickpic hitting you in the face, or a picture of a huge dick hitting you in the face?

How I’m trying to make an offensive joke funny…

in Comedy by
How I'm trying to make an offensive joke funny...

I worried over a joke last night that I knew will be offensive because I hadn’t written it correctly and it was raw.

In it, I took the banal arguments I have with people who praise Star Wars over the ludicrously elitism of the Star Trek franchise pre-Abrams, who he himself dragged it kicking and screaming into the 2010’s with Michael Bay-ish aplomb, and compared it to discussions some people like claiming the validity of reverse racism in South Africa.

Obviously, I won’t cover the whole joke here. It’s evolving and I’ll make it work. Keep Reading

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